I miss this one girl. I can’t stay without her. What do I do?


The Nafs (one’s carnal, base desires) and Shaitaan are old ‘pros’. The mind games they play have baffled, confused and misled many. The whispers and thoughts which they plant in your mind all seem so real. However, the feelings of emptiness, loneliness and sadness you are experiencing are dilemmas you can overcome if you adopt the correct channels and procedures.

Firstly, reason out and discuss the entire issue with yourself. Ask yourself, “How is it that I survived without this girl from birth until now?” When you ask yourself this question, you will realise that you were hoodwinked by Shaitaan and your Nafs into thinking that you need this girl as much as you need air to survive. Exaggerations and storms in a teacup are part of the devils networking. Feelings are magnified to create situations of distress and want.

Try thinking in this way: “Allah Ta‘ala is my sole Sustainer and my Rabb. Can I do without Him? No! Never! It’s impossible!” It’s obvious that your heart will yearn for its Provider. Once you have realigned your compass and are facing the right direction, beg Allah Ta‘ala for His closeness. Allah Ta‘ala grants his special closeness to those who seek it and often grants them much, much, more than they even expected or hoped for.

Although not major, being without this girl definitely is a pain. However, run this thought through your heart: “Getting this girl may cure one little pain but will also open deeper wounds in its place. These wounds will then cause everlasting pain”.

Look at a few simple examples which we see on a day to day basis. A person at the dentist always opts for an extraction (which will bring him minor discomfort) instead of keeping a decayed tooth (which will give him sleepless nights and miserable days). Another example to drive the point home – You are on table mountain. It’s freezing and icy wet winds are lashing the mountain. The cable car company asks you to be patient as they will transport you down in a few hours time when the weather improves. Waiting on the mountain is obviously irritating and frustrating and every minute seems like hours. Would you ever consider climbing down the mountain on your own to avoid the two hour delay? If you did, people would be shocked and ask, “Are you mad? Have you lost it? Can’t you be reasonable? Have you got a death wish?” In short, having no patience in this situation will be as good as committing suicide. Waiting the two agonizing hours is, beyond a shadow of doubt, the wise option.

Remember, an idle mind is the devils workshop so try to always keep yourself busy in constructive activities. Remain engaged in durood and istighfaar. Don’t plan to or make it such that you cross this girl’s path. Totally avoid all contact; BBM, Whatsapp, etc. Give all the gifts which she had given you away in sadaqah. Burn or delete all photos of her. Join the company of those who don’t remind you of her. All in all, to achieve your goal of being close to Allah Ta‘ala, you will have to cast her out of your life. When this is done, Allah Ta‘ala will soothe your heart with a happiness which you have never felt before (insha-Allah). A feeling of peace and calmness will overcome you which has such value that it cannot be purchased by any amount of wealth.

There are thousands from the servants of Allah Ta‘ala who have carried out the above procedures. They have persisted and resisted and as it has worked for them, it will surely work for you as well. Make the first move and Allah Ta‘ala will do the rest for you, aameen.